


All That Was and All That Will Be

by SpiritsFlame



Category: Avengers (Comic), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Crossover, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-26
Updated: 2011-09-26
Packaged: 2017-10-24 01:58:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/257616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritsFlame/pseuds/SpiritsFlame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Charles Xavier drops by to visit the Avengers, he's not expecting to see his early relationship with Erik written out between Captain America and Iron Man. And, somehow, it infuriates him, because they have all that he could never have, if only they could see it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That Was and All That Will Be

**Author's Note:**

> This story exists in some magical time point, in some mystical universe. It's best not to try and place in the context of the comic book universe. We have First Class Charles with comic book Steve, Tony and Peter Parker, but it's really just a hodgepodge to fulfill the prompt and my insane vision that sprung from it.
> 
> This was written for the x-men Kink meme, and the prompt was as follows: Now, I want to see a story where X-Men work for some time with Avengers (and are guests in their headquarters). Charles has the opportunity to have a closer look at Steve-Tony relationship, to watch a careful dance of "what-can-I-do-to-be-close-to-him-and-not-appear-gay". Tony would love to take a step forward - but is afraid (and has a good reason) that Steve would reject him, stop being his friend, stop being so close to him because he doesn't want to be gay - thinks it would make him seem weaker, "not manly", weaken his leadership postition etc.
> 
> I want to see Charles finally snapping at some point, lashing out at Cap, saying 'what the hell is wrong with you, how can you keep doing that, you've got someone you love by your side and he loves you back, he's not a madman or a mass murderer, do something, goddamit!'

All That Was and All That Will Be

 

Charles Xavier is, as many would attest, a patient man. It comes from years and years of practice, of sensing emotions and hearing thoughts and knowing when to act and when to smile blithely and pretend he hasn’t noticed.

But honestly, if he has to spend one more day at the Avengers Tower, he is going to lose it. In a thoroughly proper and dignified way, of course.

He’s only been here a week, a sort of good-will knowledge exchange thing that Hank McCoy had suggested and which Charles had agreed was a good idea. It was a testament to his daily routine that he considered this to be a vacation.

But there’s something inconsolably sad and increasingly frustrating about watching Steve Rogers and Tony Stark.

Even if he weren’t a telepath, Charles thinks he would still notice that they were in love. From the amused looks he’s seen exchanged, the other Avengers have certainly picked up on it. The simple things, the one he’s seen on television or in newspapers, could be excused under camaraderie.

Things like how Captain America’s chosen mode of transportation is nearly almost Iron Man, or the way the often end up in a ground fight, back to back and intensely aware of each others movements.

But he notices other things, even on his first day. Steve is, as far as Charles can tell, the only one able to drag Tony out of his lab, and he wanders down there with a sandwhich and a soda for lunch almost every day.

It makes Charles think nostalgically about the early days at the Mansion, when Beast was still just Hank and Havok was just Alex and Alex used to go to Hank’s work room and bother him into training or bring him lunch on the many occasions that Hank forgot to eat.

Charles hadn’t come to the Tower with the intention of getting involved with anything, but he had been there when they’d all returned from a fight, everyone a bit bruised but no worse, and had seen the amusing way both Steve and Tony had tried to hover around each other without being too obvious about it.

From the indulgent looks the other Avengers give them, it’s nothing new. He’d even heard Peter refer to the two of them as ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ and it gave Charles a nostalgic twinge to think of the way Raven and Alex had jokingly said the same thing about him and Erik.

Sometimes, when Steve has successfully dragged Tony to dinner (and they haven’t gone off to get burgers on their own, which has already happened twice and Charles has only been here a week so far) they sit next to each other, their chairs almost too close (and that too is familiar, he can almost remember the feel of Erik sitting beside him, their sleeves brushing every time they’d move, the way Erik would lean towards him or over him to get the salt, even though the shaker had a metal cap.)

Tony unrepentantly steals from Steve’s plate, and Steve only half heartily wards him off and it makes Charles’ heart ache to see his own behavior reflected back at him over all these years.

Sometimes they go on long walks and don’t come back for hours, and sometimes Steve packs sandwiches in a little basket and they take even longer and Charles can still remember all the times he had to try and fit lunch for two, a blanket and a chess set into his mother’s old basket.

They make him miss Erik so much, remembering that he used to look at Erik with that same soft expression, hoping (but never believing) that moments like that would last forever, that it could always be the two of them.

He finds Steve drawing once, and though Steve shows him the page with only a little embarrassment, it feels like looking at something deeply personal, because there is affection in every line of the sketch. It is something so simple, Tony at his work bench, tools in one hand, bent over his armour and smiling faintly, and Charles is willing to bet that Steve has no idea how lovingly he drew it.

(Charles has a very embarrassing memory that he’ll admit to no one, of sitting with Erik in front of the fire and discussing nothing important and wishing that he could be a painter, to capture the play of light over Erik’s jaw and the soft affection in his eyes.)

The emotions are, perhaps, the worst. Charles tries to keep his shields up around most people- for one thing the press of so many minds can be overwhelming if he isn’t prepared, and for another mind-reading without permission is generally seen as poor manners nowadays. (He misses the times when no one knew and never suspected.)

But even so, he can feel such warm affection in their thoughts that he almost feels smothered with it, such intense devotion and love that it’s wonderfully touching in all the most painful ways. Charles has never been the sort of person to begrudge another person their love life simply because he has been denied one, but still, when ever he is around love like this, he can’t help but think of what he can never have.

Neither of their thoughts or emotions are that simple, of course, no ones are. Mixed in with all that love is resignation, defeat, loneliness and faint hope he doubts either of them recognize. It is human nature to hope, it is one of the things he loves about both humans and mutants, that even the ones who fear the worst (like Erik, his poor tortured Erik) still have that measure of hope in them.

It was, he suspected, what had led Erik to join them all those years ago, the hope that Charles and the team he had promised would be able to help him defeat Shaw. The fact that it had been well founded did little to make Charles feel better in all the empty nights that followed.

He wonders, half way through his visit, what is it that has them so worried, when their returned feelings are so obvious to others. What fear is it that blinds them to what the other is thinking.

He doesn’t even feel that bad at looking to find out, not when their hopes and desires spill into his dreams more often then not (Hank had built him a room in the Mansion that functioned on a similar note to Erik’s so-hated helmet. It filters the students dreams so that only the ones that should concern Charles get through, but there is no such protection in the Avengers Tower.)

He is somewhat gratified, and entirely relieved that not all of their dreams run to the adult rating (though some do, and if he were a younger man he may have trouble meeting their eyes the next day, but he has spent most of his life around teenagers and their hormones and little phases him anymore.)

Steve often dreams of waking up to Iron Man’s voice from an icy sleep, although more other then not it is Tony Stark’s smile that greets him, rather than the red and gold faceplate that Charles knows to be reality.

Tony sometimes dreams of taking Steve flying, both of them in their uniforms and just soaring over the city with no where to be and no one to fight.

They both dream things that would make a lesser man blush, and the both fear losing the other enough that those nightmares are mixed in with the pleasant dreams.

And so Charles takes a peak, and Erik did always used to say that he was nosy- though Charles prefers the term inquisitive.

And both of their fears are so, well, Charles hesitates to use the word trivial, when to a person in love in can seem like everything, but their fears are misguided and so much less than the ones that Charles still feels as a burden, always keeping him and Erik apart.

Tony fears that Steve is straight, that he will drag Steve down into the messy chaos that he views as his life. He fears that being with him will somehow taint Steve, that it will make others lose respect for their leadership and for their ability to give fair orders.

Steve fears that Tony will somehow find him lacking, that compared next to the worldly and beautiful and experienced women Tony has dated, Steve will seem fumbling and awkward. He worries that a relationship would effect the team dynamic. He fears, irrationally, that it will give the enemy another weapon to use against him.

They both fear the loss the their friendship, the thought that one confession could ruin everything ad surely it is better to be friends, close friends with free permission to touch and talk and demand dinner as the situation demands.

Charles thinks of his own arguments, of different sides of the same war and the things Erik has done that Charles can’t condone and the way they sometimes have to stand across a battlefield from one another like enemies and feels that sense of frustration rise again.

Charles would not go so far as to say he prides himself on his control. It is certainly impressive, he’ll give himself that, especially given all the many things he has to control (and, on occasion, all the things he has to chose not to control) but Raven can- could have- told stories that would still make him blush.

(Sometimes he worries she still does, telling amusing anecdotes of the great Professor X to her recruits so that they’ll fear him less- it seems like something she’d do.)

So, when he he snaps on the last day of his visit, he’s not terribly surprised. Embarrassed, yes. Sheepish, yes. But not surprised. And not sorry either- he firmly believes both Steve and Tony had it coming to them.

It was something small, wasn’t it always? (Always the small things that hurt the most, a silver coin, a lead bullet, a couple words spoken wrong.)

It’s after lunch and Charles suspects only Steve’s insistence on good manners is keeping Tony out of his workshop, but Steve is milling around the kitchen cleaning up and Tony is pretending to read a magazine but really sulking.

Steve, who is clearly not any more fooled than Charles is, moves around the back of Tony’s chair, trailing his fingers over Tony’s shoulders in a soothing gesture that has to be one of the least platonic thing Charles has ever seen. Tony shivers a little and Jesus Christ, is he really reciting all the reasons why being in love with Steve is a terrible idea?

Tony tilts his head back to look up at Steve with a small smile that keeps sneaking out into his forced mask of irritation.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” he asks and Steve smiles fondly down at him.

“Play nice with company.” he replies, his fingers still resting on the nape of Tony’s neck and Charles thinks of how he was denied even this casual level of familiarity, given only a few short weeks and how that was not enough, never enough.

“Get a room, you two!” Peter calls, not even looking up from his newspaper and Steve goes a charming shade of pink.

“Peter, you know it’s not nice to tease Steve like that.” Tony admonishes, but the playful tone in his voice is mostly forced, longing clogging his throat and Charles wants to yell that it’s pointless, unwarranted because Steve is right there, already loving him, wanting him.

Peter just snorts, clearly not fooled, but through it all, Steve’s hand is still on Tony’s shoulder and Charles may be feeling a little longing of own at that. (The way Erik had always snatched his hands away, always afraid of getting too close of letting someone in, even someone who knew him as well as Charles did.)

For Peter’s benefit, or because Tony Stark is a masochist of previously unknown proportions, Tony grabs Steve’s hand and says jokingly “Don’t you know, Peter, our love can never be.”

And the longing isn’t just coming from Tony now, it’s Steve’s as well and now their both thinking of the reasons why it’s “impossible” and Charles wants to laugh or scream or cry because they don’t understand what that means.

“Why not?” someone asks and it takes Charles a minute to realize that oh, it had been him.

They’re all looking at him now, Peter has even put down his paper and Tony is still holding Steve’s hand.

“I- what?” Steve stutters, cheeks flushing again.

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. “Why can your love never be?” Charles asks, and is that vigour in his voice, because he’s pretty sure he meant that to be a casual question.

Tony laughs a little, obviously forced. “I think that’s pretty obvious.”

“No, really. I don’t think so.” Charles says pointedly. “You’re both in love with each other, aren’t you?” It’s not a serious question, he doesn’t expect them to answer, but it irritates him to see the way Tony immediately drops Steve’s hand, the way Steve takes a step away from the chair.

“It’s totally impossible.” Steve mutters, not really looking at anyone and a truly impressive shade of red by now. There’s that word again. Impossible.

“I don’t see why.” Charles says furiously. “You’re both in love with each other, I can promise you that. You’re both here, you’re on the same side, you want the same things.” ‘We want the same thing, Charles.’ “Neither of you are killers, you fight for the same cause,” ‘I’m sorry, my friend, but we do not’ “You already live together! I don’t see a single thing that’s keeping you apart! Except maybe your own stupid ideas of what the word impossible means.”

It’s only when he stops that Charles realizes he’s panting, that his audience is looking stunned and maybe a little bludgeoned.

“I, um.” Steve begins.

“I’m going to go pack.” Charles says, with as much dignity as he can manage. He doubts either of them even notice, their both staring at each other.

‘Um, yeah.” Peter says after a minute. “Me too.”

Charles gives him a slightly incredulous look and Peter shrugs as if to say ‘it’s not like they notice.’ and Charles has to concede he’s right.

They leave the room together.

\--

Steve fidgets with the hem of his t-shirt, toes at the soft carpet with his bare feet and tries not to look at Tony, or the vulnerable nape of his neck that is the first thing he can see from his vantage point.

“Steve.” Tony says, “would you please come around here where I can see you? This is not a conversation that I want to have with you looming over me.”

Steve comes around to the other side of the chair and takes a seat on the couch beside it, still trying not to look at Tony too much- or at all.

Tony sighs and Steve looks up in time to see him running a hand through his hair. He looks strange, off in some unidentifiable way. “Steve.” he begins again and falters. Steve braces himself for the ‘I’m flattered but-’ speech he knows is coming. “Steve, I hope that Professor X said doesn’t make you uncomfortable. I didn’t expect- I wouldn’t want-” he hesitates, so unlike himself, but Steve can’t help but fill in for him.

“Me.” he says, tone flat and hoping that he doesn’t sound as miserable as he feels.

Tony jerks his head around to look at him. “What?”

Steve rests his forearms on his knees and clasps his hands together. He’d been hoping to never have this conversation. “You don’t want me. That’s” he takes a deep breath. “ok. I’ve dealt with it this long.” he gives Tony a tired smile. “I just don’t want you to feel obligated by anything the Professor said.”

Tony gapes at him, opening and closing his mouth silently. It almost makes Steve smile. “I. Steve, you?” he swallows. “It appears the Professor may have been right about more than one of us.”

It takes Steve a moment to get what Tony is saying, but only because he doesn’t believe it’s real. “Really?” he asks, feeling a helplessly dopey grin spreading across his face.

Tony beams back at him. “Really.” They sit and smile at each other for what feels like another five minutes before Tony says “So, are you going to kiss me, or not?”

Steve blushes again, just faintly. “Tony.” he says, almost reproachfully, but too obviously happy to pull it off.

Tony doesn’t answer, just leans forward in his chair, bracing himself with one hand on Steve’s knee and pressing their lips together. His goatee is rough and unfamiliar, wonderfully distracting and Steve groans into the kiss, putting his hands on Tony’s shoulder and tugging him closer.

It pulls Tony off balance, sending him toppling into Steve’s lap, but neither of them are complaining and Tony pulls away only long enough to shift so that he’s straddling Steve’s lap on the couch.

“I guess this means we owe the Professor one, doesn’t it?” Steve asks, tilting his head back as Tony uses the opportunity to kiss his neck.

“Guess so.” Tony mutters, only half paying attention.

Steve laughs, carefree and joyous. “Are you always going to be like this?”

Tony pulls back to meet his eyes, grinning broadly. “Everyday.”

“Good.” Steve grins, pulling him back into a kiss.

\--

They both see Charles off the next morning, their hands clasped tightly together. Charles is happy for them, their contentment rolling off of them in waves, but he can’t help but think, but wish that he could have had some of his own love story.

When he gets back to the mansion, there’s a letter waiting for him

It’s simple; thick heavy paper that no one uses any more and familiar hand writing that makes his heart clench.

On the inside it reads ‘Charles, you really must stop meddling.’

Charles looks out over the trees, but if Azazel was there recently, he’s gone now. Erik could never stop looking after him, even after all this time. But then, Charles could never stop either, still reaches out with Cerebro to make sure Erik is alright, to look through the eyes of others when the helmet blocks everything out.

Charles tucks the letter into a box with the others and smiles, small and tremulous, but real.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this with a heavy sense of irony, considering that in a few short years, books, whatever, the Civil War arc will begin and Steve and Tony will know exactly how Charles feels and that just breaks my heart.


End file.
